While he was dreaming
by The Gabby Effect
Summary: While he was dreaming... she was realizing that she could never have him.


***A Gabby bunny came hopping along and this is what it made me write; hope you enjoy this.***

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**While he was dreaming...**

Tonight she didn't want to be alone and she knew there was one person that would come to her no matter what and tonight that person was coming over. She wasn't having nightmares but she needed someone, anyone and tonight she needed him just to hold her as she fell asleep. There was nothing romantic about their relationship let alone awkward because for them this was normal, just a friend coming over to keep her company... right?

It was after 1 am when he showed up at her apartment and by now he had his own key to her place, again that was normal. It didn't mean nothing to them except that this is what 'best friends' do. He was her security and assurance every time she felt this way but tonight there was no talking just something routine and normal about this night.

Facing away from the door she heard him shut her apartment door and she couldn't help but let a grin tug at the corner of her lips... he was here. Silently she waited for him to enter her room and he did. He said nothing as he entered; he didn't even turn on the light in her room he just simply walked in and set his keys down where he always put them when he was here... next to hers. Kicking off his shoes he picked up a T-shirt that was waiting for him on her bed. She knew him enough and was close enough to him that she had an extra shirt of his at her place and one that she slept in. Getting comfortable he pulled up the covers and crawled in next to her feeling the heat come from her body he snuggled closer behind her as his arm lazily draped around her waist.

Feeling his arm around her she smiled as she scooted back until she was pressed against his chest and his breath was on her neck. They didn't say a single word because what was there to say that they didn't already know? He was her best friend and she was someone who just got him completely and that was enough. Licking his lips he kissed her shoulder, kissed her neck and planted a last good night and 'I'm-here' kiss on her cheek before they feel asleep.

** DAWN**

Sometime last night she had turned around in his arms like she always did and this was just like any other morning except for one thing... her. Her eyes fluttering open she took a deep breath and naturally a smile crossed her lips as she breathed in that familiar scent that was purely, him. Snuggling into his chest as he slept she kissed him where his heart was beating because she was grateful that she had him, she would always have him.

Quietly she listened to the beat of his heart and the slow deep breaths coming from the gunny who was sleeping next to her. Her finger drawing shapes on his chest she smiled at this completion that she was feeling. Biting her bottom lip she turned her attention from his chest to his lips. Her mind wondered how many times did those lips kiss her and how many times did they have her name on them. Smiling she looked at the man sleeping next to her when all of a sudden she felt alone again.

Was this her life? Was this going to be the rest of her life? Calling her best friend over just so she wouldn't feel alone? That was when the thought came to her. What if... what if he found some woman that would prevent him from coming over like this and what if like always she was left alone wishing that she wasn't? Her job meant everything to her and sure it made it her happy but still at the end of every case she was... alone.

'I wish I had someone who would love me and love being with me.' She said in her head followed by those same empty wishes; 'I wish I could wake up in someones arms every morning and I wish that someone would kiss me just to kiss me...' her wishes had blinded her many times in the past not seeing what was literally in front of her... him. This morning it was different as her brain seemed to come to a screeching halt as she looked at the man who was asleep in her bed with her.

'You're crazy' She told herself as she watched him sleep. He couldn't... could he? She shook her head as she took in a breath trying to avoid the thoughts that were demanding to be pondered. Her breath escaping her lips she finally managed to looked at him as he slept. Could he really love her like she always wished that she could be loved, and could he be the one she was waiting for all her life?

"No" She breathed at that insane thought.

There were rules and plus its not like he felt that way about her and what the hell was she doing thinking like this she thought as she forced herself to look away from him. Shutting her eyes she tried to forget the thoughts, the whispers that were telling her 'just think about it' she shook her head again but those damn thoughts weren't going away. No, there they were and each moment that went by they were starting to convince her even more that all those things that she wanted in some other guy was already there in the gunny that was sleeping next to her. Her eyes opening again she watched him sleep for a while until she just had to touch him.

Her hand that rested on his chest glided up to his face until she felt his skin beneath her fingers. Her hand drifted up to his hair that she had always found attractive even Tony and McGee knew that because she told them many years ago. Smiling she brushed a strand of hair aside until her finger glided over his eyebrows and floated over those closed eyes and down the bridge of his nose. Quietly she was hoping he wouldn't wake when she did that and now she was even more convinced that maybe... just maybe she was starting to like him. Like him? or was it something more? What ever the case here she was laying next to this man who kissed her when ever he wanted, that's when she stopped.

He kissed her, this is true but not the way she yearned to be kissed. His lips only met her cheek and million of those wouldn't add up to the single kiss on the lips that would change her life and heart forever. Her fingers gently drifted down to his lips, those lips that never and perhaps won't ever meet hers. Biting her lips she carefully traced the contour of his lips that would never kiss her own. Had she really fallen for him or was this just some random event? Whatever it was at this moment, this moment right now... she was loving him secretly. Loving him in a way he never would approve, loving him in a way that he would never love her. Her heart quietly breaking beneath her chest she hoped that she would never think like this about him again, because these thoughts were killing her.

Who ever, if ever he would love again she painfully hoped that they would love him like the way she loved him. Her fingers leaving his lips she fought back the tears that were burning in her eyes. She would never have him, sure he was 'her Gibbs' but not the way she wanted him to belong to her right now. This morning something was different and she hated herself for thinking this way because it was plain to see he was too good for her and he deserved someone better plus it's not like he would want her that way either.

Her eyes traced those lips as the burning in her eyes got worse, those lips she would never... never? She thought. Here she was in his arms as he slept and already she was denying herself what her heart didn't know it wanted an hour ago. She looked at him and it didn't look like he was going to wake soon and maybe he wasn't even dreaming about her too. Still, the key was he was asleep and unaware of what his presence was doing the girl in his arms this morning. Never? She would never feel his lips on hers? In that moment she decided to make 'NEVER' turn into 'just once'. Just once, she needed to feel his lips on hers, just once she wanted to know what they would feel like and just once she wanted to know what his lips would feel like against hers.

Wanting the one she would never have she gathered her courage for what she was about to do. Just once she was going to do this and just once she wanted to know what a 'first' and 'last' kiss would feel from him. Her breath shuddering she moved closer to him with her eyes fixated on his lips, those lips she would only kiss, once. Millimeters from his lips she prayed he wouldn't wake, feeling his breath on her she took in a breath and hoped that he would keep sleeping. Just once, she told herself again so that she would live knowing that at least just once her lips had touched his. One more breath and that;s when she closed that distance between them.

She didn't mean to... she didn't mean to love him, she didn't mean to let herself fall for him this morning of all the times she was with him and she didn't mean to kiss him but she had to, just so she wouldn't go on living regretting letting the only chance that she might to kiss flee from her. She mesmerized this moment, this feeling and this sensation of his lips on hers. A kiss he didn't know she had stolen like a theft was a kiss that shattered her heart... she was kissing the one man she would never have.

She shut her eyes tightly as the warm tears fell from her face knowing he would never kiss her back... never love her back. It hurt to part her lips from his, it was like a knife piercing her heart and this pain was the reminder of what could never be. Pulling back from him she grimaced knowing that this was her only kiss from him even though it was a kiss she had stolen. A tear running down her face she whispered.

"I love you."

Words he would never hear from her again, at least not the way she meant it now and just like that she tore herself away from him. Leaving him asleep in her bed dreaming about what ever he was dreaming about as she left the room to try and collect herself and get back to normal.

**30 Minutes Later...**

She was sitting to her table when he came in the kitchen.

"Hey" he greeted her.

"Hey" She said setting her coffee down.

"Didn't know you got up." He said as he poured himself a cup.

"Yeah, was... was up early." She informed him.

"You okay?" He asked as he walked over to the table and sat next to her.

"Yeah, why?"

Shrugging he sipped on his coffee. "It's just that you tell me to come over when somethings up, just wondering if you're okay now." He pointed out.

Smiling she nodded. "Yeah, much better." She assured him even though she felt worse.

"Good." He said drinking his coffee.

For a while they said nothing while they drank their coffee until she finished her cup.

Getting up she put her cup in the sink and she needed to ask him something. Turning around she looked at the gunny sitting at her table oblivious that she had kissed him this morning because she had finally realized that she had loved him.

"Can I ask you something?" She said quietly.

"Yeah, Abbs." He said looking at her.

Taking a deep breath she look at him. "Have you... have you ever, wanted someone so bad even though you knew you could never have them?"

Taken back by the question he couldn't answer though he knew it. He looked at her questioning why she was asking him. She knew he didn't like to talk about things that were 'deep' like the way this question was. He couldn't find his voice to answer but the moment he did that's when she broke the silence knowing he wouldn't answer her.

With a nervous chuckle she shook her head. "Never mind... stupid question." She said as she left the kitchen.

She had left the room that's when he answered her question knowing that she couldn't hear.

"Yes..." He said under his breath.

He knew exactly what it was like to want someone who you could never have and everyday he lived with that painful truth, because he could never have... her. It was stupid and he knew this that's why he never pushed their relationship and it wasn't like she would feel the same way about him. She was beautiful and she could have have anyone she wanted, anyone... anyone but him. She was too good for him and she deserved better much better than what he could give her. Picking up his coffee he sipped on the drink unaware that she realized that she loved him, unaware that she felt the same way and unaware she had stolen the only kiss that they would ever share... unaware that this all happened...

while he was dreaming.

_***poof***_

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**~*Hope you enjoyed this one shot Gabby fic*~**

**-The Gabby Effect-**


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